Tears and fears

As a newly qualified midwife- I am now the grand age of "7 months" old, there have been many tears. I felt like I needed to start this blog to share the highs and lows of a newly qualified midwife, for those of you out there who are also new, to help you know that you are not alone in your struggles and stresses as you sometimes slowly and sometimes incredibly quickly develop ones skills and abilities within the midwifery field.

Tears in midwifery come in many forms or for many reasons. As I student I thought I had it tough..ha! Then "real life midwifery" started. The first 3 weeks to put it bluntly were hell! Having trained in the north, I decided to move to London to take advantage of the many attractions, shows, galleries etc of the city. As such, not only was I a newbie, I was a newbie in a new hospital. Having to start in a place with new colleagues, protocols, equipment, clients really made it quite the struggle in the first few weeks. I was placed in the antenatal/postnatal ward, a ward with 31 beds, and 3 to 4 midwives staffing it during the day.

Talk about the "headless chicken" feeling- the 12 hours certainly zoomed by, as I tried to keep up with ensuring the 8 women and 8 babies women felt cared for, had assistance with breastfeeding, had their prescribed medications, got discharged,were gievn proper postnatal checks, had their check ups as needed etc etc etc... my head span, and the tears rolled- I am a thin skinned person, and it doesn't take much to set me off- especially when I am stressed. Wonderfully, my fellow midwives were lovely, and the women were mostly understanding and patient. But, it was myself that was my own worst critic, as I struggled- feeling as if  I was not giving quality care to these new mothers and their precious babies.

Practically every day ended in tears in the first 3 weeks, but, I had hope that things would get better.. and luckily and blessedly, I was able to pick up on babies that needed to be sent to SCBU for tachypnea, women who had to get transferred to CLOMA for hypertension of 170/110, a lady having persistent heavy lochia who ended up going back to theatre, ensure that women who spoke no English had the appropriate translation. While at the same time, feeling love and appreciation from these wonderful new women- helping them to bond with their newborn through skin to skin, reassuring ladies that their babies behaviour was normal, sharing tears with a woman who was completely shattered from no sleep due to a restless baby. I slowly felt myself growing into my role, I relished the quality time that I could spend with these women, gave them as much help and attention as was possible, and delighted in seeing the simple and overpowering love emanating from the parents to their little miracle.

I love my job. It still sometimes gives me tears, but wonderfully 7 months down the line, I am slowly learning how to juggle it better, and I relish the miraculous time that I get to be a part of, by supporting women to bring new life into the world. A new life which can change the world, one person at a time :)

This blog is dedicated to many thousands of midwives who give such dedicated and loving service in their work, including my own wonderful cohort with whom I trained and graduated with.

 I hope to share experiences which may help other midwives, and perhaps also help mothers understand the joy we feel in caring for them, and also know that we are truly trying our best to help their pregancy, birth and postnatal period be the most beautiful (though painful!) time of their lives